The rain splashes against the fogged window. To me it sounds as deadened bed cry, the last effort to make a futile existence worth living.
You are not here.
You promised me you would be here but you never came back.
The whole world is drowning in saltless water because you have left it.
There is no maybe, no perhaps no chance or possibility with which to cheat this sickening reality I now live in.
The condensation on the glass window becomes thicker and it stars to fall like teardrops. The god inside the window is crying and no one can hear it. The drops fall silently onto my lap and I welcome them as if they were yours but they never will because you are not here.
“Who am I, darling, to be your burden in time?”
I wanted you to be my burden, I wanted to carry you on my back, on my thoughts, on the palms of my hands, like that little secret only you know and don’t want to show to anyone but still you have to keep your hands open lest you squash it.
“Look, the clouds have come to play with us. Maybe we should go with them when they leave.”
I wish it was cold in here. I wish your hands would come to catch my breath and put it back where it belongs with that extreme care of yours after your lips have played with it for a while. As if it was my soul you were holding, as if it was my mind you were drinking with your tongue.
But you are not here and you stole my soul when you left so now I can never breathe enough, I can never feel enough, I can never hear enough those birds that sing the songs of truest innocence.
These walls are so old yet they are the only thing I have left of you. They grow smaller everyday yet they never seem to move. They breathe your name in hushed whispers every time my hand touches them but their lungs are rotten and the paint has faded away.
“Shelter as we go.”
You laughed at those fool enough to think they would last forever yet you laughed as if the world was just our playground and the things that live in it our playthings.
Come back I dare you. Come back and play with me one last time so that I can look you in the eye and tell you how wrong you were the whole time.
Come back so that I can look at your soul that is also mine.
Come back so that I won’t have to go.
Come back.
The Expanse 